Apparently a little time alone is too much to ask

Apparently it's not enough for my mother that I spent all day with them downstairs. It's not enough that I took my brother out for lunch two days ago. Heaven forbid I should want to be alone while talking to my boyfriend after all this. I mean, it's not like I've hardly seen him for the past month or so. It's not like he's been busy with an internship and an honors project all summer. How selfish of me to want to be alone while I talk to him for a short time.

Finals suck.

Birthday Week

Last Tuesday was my birthday. While I still think my 18th birthday was the best so far, this one made a very close second.



I think part of the reason this one wasn't quite as good is because the celebration was spread out over a whole week. Sunday my family, my boyfriend, and I went to Maggiano's for lunch to celebrate. Maggiano's is delicious, by the way. I highly recommend their chicken marsala. My brother gave me a videogame which I have been thoroughly enjoying.

Tuesday was my actual birthday, and I spent it at school and at work. At first, the day didn't start out that great, especially when I ended up sitting by myself at lunch while my best friend (who forgot my birthday was that day) and her boyfriend looked at jewelry online. But things got better when I received a surprise visit from my boyfriend, who had previously told me he wouldn't be able to come because he would be helping his sister move. And he gave me my present, which he told me he wouldn't give me until Saturday (more on this later). He gave me a lovely pair of earrings with swarovski crystals and pearls. And then he gave me an even lovelier necklace with real freshwater pearls!!! It is very delicate and beautiful, and I am so in love with it that I wear it often.

The reason I was originally getting my present from Nate on Saturday is because his family was taking me to the Shakespeare Tavern to see Hamlet for my birthday. It was INCREDIBLE!! I always enjoy going to the Shakespeare Tavern, and Hamlet is my favorite Shakespeare play. It's amazing how much better it is when you are watching it as opposed to merely reading it. There are so many moments that seem a bit boring when you read it, but are hilarious when you see it performed. I thoroughly enjoyed it and can't wait to go again.

Friday, my present from Greta arrived from China, and I was given a beautiful matching set pearl necklace and bracelet. It's hard to choose which pearls to wear because they are all so gorgeous.

I have the promise of a night of salsa dancing as a present from another friend, and my parents are sending me to a LARP. All in all, a wonderful birthday, filled with people I love and many happy moments.

Boys Make Everything Better

Yesterday was a horribly crappy day. I had an Italian test that I was utterly unprepared for, thanks to my ITAL 1001 teacher who taught me next to nothing. I came out of it glad it was over and looking forward to a visit from the boyfriend. Impatient me couldn't wait that long, so I called him. Tired and already upset about Italian, I discover he is still at home and doesn't sound like he's even coming. And yet he is very mysterious about what he's doing. So I have some small hope that he is still coming. But as the minutes drag by and there is no sign of him, I begin to lose hope. Finally, he says he has to go, and we hang up, my hope gone and my day spiraling further and further down until the tears I had been holding back finally escape and stream down my face. When I finally recollect myself, I begin reading a play for my next class and eating lunch. Half an hour before class, someone enters the room, and I look up, surprised to see my wonderful boyfriend. Turns out on his way over, he got rear-ended and that's why he had to get off the phone. My immense joy at seeing him almost brought me to tears again. After that, my day drastically improved, and by the end of the day, the day had turned out not that bad.

Home Sour Home

I freaking hate living at home!!!! There is no joy for me in being with my family most of the time now. If I had the money, I would be out here 2 years ago. It's the only thing keeping me here. I don't know why on Earth I come straight home after school on my days off of work, besides maybe the peace and comfort of my bed. I often hate going home. I don't know what happened, but I am apparently incapable of getting along with my mother recently. It freaking sucks!! Why can't we get along anymore? I don't even know what to say. I just freaking want out of here, more than I can even express with words.

Clothes

I have decided that women's winter clothing is designed to keep us cold. At the least, the fancy clothes are. I have 1, maybe 2, long-sleeved shirts for church. The rest are short sleeve, with one being sleeveless. And last night, I was picturing a sleigh ride through the snow, all dressed up, but I realized that evening gowns rarely have sleeves, and I could think of none with long sleeves. So I realized it would be a very cold sleigh ride. And today, I was looking at clothes online at Forever 21, and there wasn't a single long-sleeved dressy shirt. And often they are made of silk, which is not know for being particularly warm. And even casual shirts that are long-sleeved aren't very warm. Old Navy is a particular offender, making shirts so thin you can almost see through them.

What is the purpose of wearing such cold clothing? What do they hope to accomplish by making such clothing? It is so we can still show off skin in the dead of winter? No thank you! I like to stay warm. To do so, I have taken to wearing multiple jackets, a scarf, gloves, tights, knee-high socks, and whatever else I can find to keep me warmer. Sometimes this includes a boyfriend, which makes me quite happy. Unfortunately, we can't do some things we usually do due to the cold weather, which has me shivering quite a bit sometimes, making me want to curl into a ball. Fortunately for him though, I like to snuggle up against him for warmth.

I can think of no other reasons, and certainly no good reasons, why winter clothes aren't warmer. I suppose it will remain a mystery.

Bad Dream

This morning, I had a horrible dream.

I dreamed I was in a high school class, but one of my college teachers was a student in there. For some reason, I had my AP English essays and scores from the test, and that sparked a conversation with another student about AP classes. My college teacher, Karen Robinson, heard us, and took me out of the room. Apparently I was supposed to turn in my AP stuff to her, even though she wasn't my teacher for either AP English or AP Bio. I asked her if I should turn my AP Bio stuff into T. McGee, my teacher, and she basically told me that T. McGee is a bad teacher,so no, I should give it to her.

Then she made me do this exercise. I don't remember it very well, but it involved me jumping on rocks or something and trying to get something. It was really cool, and pretty fun. When the exercise was over, I had become brainwashed basically. I was going to go on a trip with a bunch of other people she had brainwashed. Then my boyfriend and best friend showed up. My boyfriend tried to get me to go somewhere else with him, somewhere better and safer, but I was brainwashed, so I didn't want to go. I wanted to go with these other people, but I didn't want to leave him. So I was going to have him come with us. But I was rather conflicted on what to do. For some reason, I thought I was on the phone with him in real life while I was dreaming. So he's talking to me on the phone, and in the dream. When I proved rather unresponsive to him (because I was conflicted and didn't know what to do; I was trying to think it out), he said I was talking to him like we weren't dating, or hadn't been dating. He broke up with me over the phone. I was devastated. I tried sending him bumper stickers on facebook telling him I'm sorry and I want him back,but he didn't respond. Thankfully my best friend was there to hug me and try to comfort me. Then I got word that because I wanted to bring him on the trip, I can't go. So now I'm stuck where I am, with no boyfriend. I had lost everything I wanted at that moment.

Waking up, I realized it was a dream, but the feeling of sadness over losing him hasn't left. I know he isn't gone, especially since I got an email from him this morning, but I can't help but feel depressed and lonely. I miss him sooo much right now.

I turned on my depressing break up music, and February Song by Josh Groban came on. The lyrics pretty much describe how I feel right now, and if I was still dreaming, I would want to send him the lyrics to tell him how I feel.


Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes